My best friend is now dating my ex boyfriend

Queer communities are often small and insular, and once you've found one, you tend to hold on to it for dear life.

It's difficult to meet people you're romantically interested in beyond an already-defined circle, and outside of your city's queer scene, most people you run into are likely to be straight.

Admit your errors to yourself and accept that the situation is nobody's fault but your own.

You've been trying to control the situation by dropping hints and manipulating, hoping that people will react the way you want them to and that you'll get your way without ever having to come out and ask for it.

He was severely emotionally abusive, manipulative and generally treated me like crap for the whole three years we were together. Everyone in my life eventually found out and got me to leave him. So, you were right to acknowledge that it wasn’t the “ex-factor” that made you angry. Unfortunately, this is NOT a normal situation and is in no way a run-of-the-mill case of “la la la my friend wants to date my ex boyfriend and now I’m annoyed! This girl is supposed to be YOUR friend and KNOWS that this asshat was ABUSIVE to her best friend. Under what circumstances is your friend even SPEAKING to this freak show, let alone dating him? She’s clearly being heavily manipulated, and is falling for it. Your ex is not the only one who is bad for you anymore. It’s hard to watch someone screw up their own life. All at once you want to knock some sense into her for being such an idiot, and punch her for dating your ex boyfriend. Through her actions, she's essentially saying that she has no self-worth, that she doesn't give a f*ck about you went through as an abuse survivor, and she cares more about this guy than she does about you. Honestly, this was likely the final nail in the coffin.

I’m now in a happy relationship with a wonderful guy and I have everything on track. She was one of the people who encouraged you to get away from him and now she’s going to play house? (Something you and she both know this dude is famous for). It’s a mixture of anger, pity, rejection and frustration. So, while the emotions may be running high, and you’re feeling a lot of feelings, I think you have to remove yourself entirely. She’s holding onto a part of your life that is still very painful for you. I’m sure this is not the first time this friend has done something shady or put a guy before your friendship.

Okay, I'm about to admit something that *no* girl ever should. We were never really official but there were definitely sparks that flew between us. The rule I ignored was talking to your friend about it first. But even though my BFF and I are as tight as ever (c'mon, chicks before dicks), there are some things I should have asked myself before I went down the dangerous road of liking her former significant other.

Let's break this situation down and count all your mistakes: 1) NEVER break up with someone unless you mean it. If you thought that the "breakup" would only be temporary, then that's your biggest mistake.

They believe this is something everybody knows, that they're just following the rules.

What I've noticed, though, is that every person I've heard espouse this worldview was straight.

Editor's note: Audrey Irvine is a senior assignment manager for CNN.

Her experiences in the dating world inspire her "Relationship Rant" column.

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